Communications Blackouts Suck!!!

I hate them. You hate them. We all hate them. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me give you a brief explanation. Basically anytime someone gets killed in Iraq, there's a "communications blackout". This "blackout" is so that the families of the fallen can be notified, and basically everything shuts down-- No phone calls, no internet, NOTHING!!! Not only is it sad to know that one more soldier got killed at war, it's even tougher when you know that someone you know is right smack in the middle of that war. That's when the reality sets in and you can't help but wonder: "Are they okay?" Around that same time, all the army wives/girlfriends/future girlfriends really go into our "Oh my God" mode. When they see that their men/future men don't log on to their MySpaces, etc. for a few days, they know what's coming... more bad news. Someone's down. To make matters worse, by the time their men/future men finally DO get to talk to them and tell them they're okay, the media has already blown things way out of proportion.

So, here are my suggestion for my fellow army wives/girlfriends/future girlfriends:

1. "Stop watching the f'n news!!!!" If you're going to maintain any level of sanity for the rest of this deployment, stop torturing yourselves with all the crap the media tries to sell you. All you can do is sit down, turn the tv off and wait for your man to get in touch with you. It's hard as hell, trust me I know, but it's all you can do... so, just wait and pray for the best!!!

2. I know you're all tight like that, and tell each each other everything, but there's certain things that you gotta keep on the hush hush. Like locations and dates and stuff. So, for all those military gals giving out too much information on their men's whereabouts-- Shut the hell up!!!" Do you know that you could be putting your man, let me rephrase that...ALL of our men in danger if the information you post online gets into the wrong hands? I know you want to be informed at all times, and are just looking for other military gals to give you info when you don't hear from your man for a long time, but again.... just wait and pray for the best.

3. Join a club, start a blog, do whatever it takes to keep yourself busy while your man's away. As for me... I enrolled in college. Let me tell you, nothing is gonna keep your mind more busy than to have 500 research papers to write. The amount of work I get in one week is like the amount of work I did throughout my entire high school years... that was about 7 years ago, though. LOL. Part of me wishes I would've started college straight out of high school...I'd have my bachelor's by now... but the other part thinks it's good that someone motivated me to go to college while he's away. It keeps my mind occupied on schoolwork instead of thinking about all the things he's forced to face in Baghdad.

4. Allow yourself time to vent. This is for all of you who think I'm superwoman. Well, I'm far from it! Sometimes, when I get home and I'm all alone in my room with my thoughts...I cry just like any other soldier-lovin gal does. I miss him!! I can't even tell you the times I've woken up in the middle of the night and I swear I can just feel him there beside me. I hate waking up to the reality that he's on the other side of the world right now in the middle of this terrible war. I start to wonder if he's safe, or keeping warm, or if he's hungry-- but I don't allow myself to dwell on those thoughts too much. Still, I always wish that he was here and I could play with his little chest hairs and fall asleep safe and warm in his arms. All I have are the stuffed monkeys and the letters and pictures he's sent me... so I cherish them so very much!!! Anyway, what I'm saying is-- FIND BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE! Allow yourself time to let your feelings out. Women naturally want to act tougher than they are, but it's not good to keep all those emotions bottled up inside. (Oh my God, that was so Oprah of me. LOL.) Yet don't overdue it... if you spend your time thinking about how horrible Iraq is and how much you miss your man ALL THE TIME, you're gonna head into depression fast. So, relax, chill, go take a bubble bath, treat yourself to some chocolate, cookies or ice cream (don't overdue eating sweets either, LOL). Remember that this time spent away from your man, is a time that you can use to really get to know yourself, and learn how to truly appreciate that time to prepare for when your man returns. You're gonna need this prep time. Once you and your man pick up where you left off, there's gonna be a whole readjustment process that you'll both have to go through, and it'll be tougher than any waiting period you're going through now.

5. When your man finally does get in touch with you... DON'T LET OUT THE DRAMA QUEEN. Think about it, do you really think that your man is gonna come back exhausted from days without showering or sleeping, call home to finally hear the sound of your voice, and then have you go all super-bitch on him? Uh, no. Don't start rambling about the problems at home, how you think he doesn't love you cause he hasn't called, and for Pete's sake... do not freak out and become a sobbing mess if he calls you and you hear mortars going off in the distance. (LOL, I learned that one the hard way.) Hello.... there's a war going on!!!! So, tell him that you love him. Remind him that you are going to be right there for him when he gets back. Remind him of all the things he has to look forward to when he gets home. TELL HIM HOW VERY PROUD YOU ARE OF HIM. Little things like that go a long way, and I know that our men need all the love and support they can get right now.


So, to hell with the communications blackouts!!! Count your blessings now, and enjoy every second that you DO get to share with the man you love, I know I do.

Thank You!

I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW MY GRATITUDE TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE:

To all those who kicked me when I was down. To all those who doubted I would make it this far. To all those who said they had my back, yet at the slightest sign of trouble were no where to be found. To all those who talked about me behind my back. To the ONE who broke my heart. To all those who took advantage of my feelings. To all those who disappointed me. To all those who turned their backs to me when I needed them the most. To all those who used me. To all those who said they were my friends, yet spread rumors about me they knew weren't true. To all those who loved me only when it was convenient to them. To all those who lied about me to get themselves out of trouble. To all those who tried to make me feel 2 inches tall. To all those who said they loved me, yet were always too busy when I need someone to talk to. To all those who called me their enemy. To all those who never held my hand or gave me a shoulder to cry on. To all those who constantly pointed out my mistakes. To all those who cheated or stole from me. To all those who denied me a helping hand. To all those who always focused on condemning me. To all those who have done me wrong. To all those who have judged me. To all those who have shut the door in my face. To all those who have left me with an outstretched hand. To all those who turned their noses up at me. To all those who only looked for me when I was in prosperity. To all those who just secluded me from their lives completely. To all those self-proclaimed experts on my life who never once took the time to talk to me, yet made it their duty to gossip about me daily. To all those who have crossed to the other side of the road when they saw me walking by. To all those who envied me. To all those who criticized me or treated me like an outsider because of my music or the way I dress. To all those who tried to be a stumbling block. To all those who tried to ruin my testimony. And to all those who actually prayed for the downfall of my ministry.

I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart! In one way or another, you have each played an important part of my life. Without the motivation you stirred up in me, I wouldn't be as blessed as I am today. Without your constant abuse, I would've never grown, matured, or awakened the true potential inside of me. Without the pain you've caused me, I would've never been pushed to run back to the arms of the only One --GOD-- who was able to lift me up with new strength so I could reach this next dimension. So, thank you all again. May you too, one day, find renewed strength and comfort in His arms.

Driven by the Music

By: Syl


In the back of my mind,
a picture of a girl
with her hair all slicked back;
no more ribbons and curls.

Her innocence is gone,
all that's left in its place
is black nail polish
and liner on her face.

She's abandoned all hope.
She feels empty inside;
as her tears, mixed with hatred,
flow down her black eyes.

She's numb to her pain.
Off of misery she feeds.
She cuts "X"s on her arms
just to see if she bleeds.

She just pierced her own lip.
Got a self-made tattoo.
So-called friends call her crazy,
but what can they do?

She just doesn't care;
Since she lives without hope,
she's just two steps away
from swinging from a rope.

She comes home from her nights
of "hittin' the streets".
She picks up her guitar;
bobs her head to the beat.

She's driven by the music;
changing life's rocks to pearls.
Just her guitar in her hand;
ready to face the world.

Music's all that sustains her
just a little while longer;
Cause with it, "WHAT DON'T KILL HER,
WILL ONLY MAKE HER STRONGER!"

To Each His Own

Who you are is not what other's see in you; it's what YOU see in yourself, and what YOU choose to believe.

TO EACH HIS OWN-- By: Syl

To each his own right to stick their noses up at 45 degree angles. To be superficial. To be materialistic. To be liberal or open-minded. To be contradicting. To be rude. To be obnoxious. To be cold-hearted. To express hatred. To chose where they are and where they want to go.

To each his own right to wallow in their own self-pity. To let self-hatred consume them. To worry. To hide. To be shy. To live in fear. To let their feelings be supressed. To conserve their energy. To not have an opinion. To feel inferior. To be a decaying carcass whose demise was chosen by those flesh eating vultures who live a few feet above Cloud 9 (where nobody ever gives a shit!)

For those outspoken choosers of their own path, I say: "To each his own. Freedom to live!"

For those pitiful, lost souls who follow the path of silence, of conformity, of cerebrial neglegence, I say: " To each his own,. Freedom to die!"

Yet, whether you live, or whether you die, is not really your decision to make. If you believe otherwise, you have been blinded from seeing the truth. If you choose truth, you shall choose prosperity, but if you deny the truth, you have no choice; for you have already ceased to exist.

To each his own. Freedom to believe!